Cedza Dlamini

Many will tell you that things will get better with time, but I will not lie it gets better only for some. There are so many factors to consider and we are all different. I have had two marriage break up’s in 9 years, and it is only by the grace of God that I am still alive today. The odds are stacked against me…

Having young children does make you vulnerable. It grieves my heart to say this, but if only we could all look into the future I guess we might have done things differently. Now for me that would of meant not giving up my career to be a full time mum, something now I am unable to go back too, being all alone and penniless. I never dreamed 10+years ago that I would ever be where I am today, but sadly it’s a reality, terrible night mare I can never wake from.

Without God, and him intervening in some miraculous way, there really is no way out or light at the end of the tunnel for me. I did make some unwise choices after my former marriage was de solved, and perhaps it’s partly my fault. I might be called old fashioned but I have nothing but contempt for any man that can walk away from his responsibly to his wife and children.

It’s very hard, nasty and unnecessary for us to be forced into a life style not of our own choosing, where we have to do everything on our own. As lone parents we are forced to work twice as hard for half the income, we have to be both parents to the children left behind, and society does not appreciate us. I have grown resentful, and will avoid places and situations now where I will come into contact either with married women or couples.

Some people may criticize me for this, but I have done all the right things, taken every bodies advice (seen the movie, bought the T shirt… so the figure of speech goes,) and having to live a recluse works best for me. I have been a member of this group for quite some time, although I rarely post. I get the emails through my smart phone that is how I get to read.

One of the reasons that make it hard for me to post is that I get very upset and often disturbed by what I read. One thing given my situation, is I am sickened by reading about women; wives who have abandoned the family home and walked out on their husbands, when I feel that I would give anything! Anything! To be in a loving ‘boring everyday mundane’ family unit, with a husband who cared that I even existed. I suppose you could say that I have moved on in a way. I no longer miss my husband or think I love him.

I have a hard time keeping track of who has written what….so here is some of my input………..

I was married for one month short of 25 years as of the date of my final divorce date! 3 kids (at the time were 11, 17, 19)My husband left me in January of 08 and our divorce was final Sept 1, ’08. It was way to fast for me, but I did not know what else to do. He wanted out, said he had been cheating on me for 15 years with random women he could meet, no special one so… anyway.

It was THE worst thing to happen to me. I was totally shattered by all he told me (as there was much more to his ickyness) our marriage was all I knew! I was a stay at home Mom etc. I was not filled with confidence and this tore at any I had. All I knew was I had to go forward with it as I do not think living with a man that wants others is for me, when I said my Vows..I meant them with all my heart. My kids mean everything to me and they did not like to hear what Dad said either. So I got a lawyer and went through with it. He did not seem to look back at all. He seemed pleased with his choice for the most part. It was hard on him, but not like it was for me.

Some how the heart DOES get through this….Time is what is needed. Get to a support group (DivorceCare is a Great one) go to it or at the very least find it on line and sign up for the messages. Reach out to friends/family. Find a therapist (if you find a good one, they do help!). Do not think you are a bad person if you were left. (I can’t speak to the one that chooses to leave. I would have tried to work things out) Things happen to relationships that we don’t always see…feel…or understand. people change even if we don’t know it. Some lie and some… just change. It will not hurt the other one if you think less of yourself… it will only hurt you more. if there is no way to resolve your marriage, then it is best for you to move on… get a lawyer and see what you can do for you. Yes it sucks and it hurts like H, but if you don’t…it will hurt more. It takes 2 of you to make a marriage work, so if the other has given up…save yourself.

As for dating… don’t rush yourself. Be sure to be divorced first and then You will know when it is right for you. Do things for you for a bit..let yourself morn, be angry or come to terms with your new situation. Keep busy if you can, read self help books (I could not get enough of them at the time!) If you are a person of Faith… Give it to God, Pray… Just be honest to yourself! You will make it through this… life will go on. Give it time. I hated being told that at the start, time seemed so far off! It has been 4.

years for me now and I am so much better off then when I was with him and was not being loved. I did not say I liked it still as I still struggle thinking of myself as a “Divorced” woman, but I am. Oh,by the way…my ex got married last weekend! it makes me sick to know that he left a great person and the Mother of his kids, only to get married again. My thoughts on that for him are, if you are single… you aren’t cheating! He said he liked the “thrill” of cheating, so I guess now he can go back to it!

Just know that whatever your situation is, you have the right to your feelings and it will take time to get through them. You do not have the right to do harm because of those feelings, but to work them out for you. i know you feel you are alone in this and that what you feel has not been felt by anyone else before! Be kind to yourself. You are not alone, nor are you the only one to feel this bad. Be a better person because of it. Struggles should make us stronger! If you have kids….be better for them if you won’t do it for you. Give it time and breath deep.

Many students decide to study abroad to learn about other cultures, experience foreign countries and learn a new language. Help these students prepare by sharing useful advice and knowledge about studying in a foreign country. Here are a few things students should know:

Research your destination. Read about all aspects of the country you’re traveling to–the culture, transportation, good/bad areas of town, state of affairs, etc. Learn as much as you can by perusing sites with other students’ experiences in the area. To avoid getting yourself into a bad situation, travel with a group, class or experienced guide. To make the best of the experience, check out can’t-miss destinations, such as museums, local sites and major monuments. Create a plan or itinerary to make sure you don’t miss anything.

Plan for an emergency. The U.S. Department of State has an extensive list of precautions for traveling abroad. Here are some highlights to be aware of:

Apply for a passport early. Avoid problems with delays by getting your passport as soon as possible.

Establish a method of contact back home. Because using your cell phone in another country can be expensive, decide how you’ll keep in contact with family and friends during your stay. Some options include calling cards, the Internet or social networking sites, Skype, etc.

Keep a journal. Record all of your experiences by writing them down. Not only will it help you remember all of the sites you’ve visited, but you’ll be able to clearly share your experiences with others when you come back.

Invest in a guidebook. These books can contain maps, attractions, methods of travel and conversion rates. They can be extremely valuable in getting around safely and efficiently. You may also want to buy a translation book to make the language barrier easier.